Do you know what is best on depression? Nothing!
There's nothing good about it .. you can't get out of bed, you can't think logically, you're slow, your eyelids are falling and you're waiting for the end .. meeting, day, life. You don't want an apartment here. Right here in this place, in this time and space. You just want to evaporate. You have evaporated mentally a long time ago, but there is still your body that is expected to work and go to work and answer questions ... how? How can you work when your brain is spilled on a nasty sidewalk? In the fog and rain? Depression is the feeling that you have a thick gray mist in your head.
That's how I feel.
People who have their goal and plans for the future walk around. My plan is to sleep. And I wouldn't have to take over. It's not sleep either .. it's a weird lying with the body turned off, it's incapable of movement and the mind that wants to move and do its job but still hits the walls .. into that fog. It's des, man. You don't want it.
You feel like a piece of manure.
And you still look. You overeat because you think food will make you happy ... but you don't notice its taste. You don't smell, you don't see colors, sounds get on your nerves. All your senses are weakened because they are in that fucking fog. You don't notice people and their conversations ... you just look into space and rot alive. There are days when you don't wash, you don't comb, you have a mess at home, you don't care. You have no emotions ... unfortunately even adorable puppies won't make it better. Because you have a mess in your head. Complete dump in decomposition. And you don't care ... you want to decompose and dissolve.
But you know what, you don't kill yourself. You're too weak for that. You can't do it. Hallway is some kind of movement you can't make.
So you just lie there waiting for the end.
It still doesn't end, does it?
There are people and things around you that you once paid attention to and they want to give it back to you. Now the friends who stayed with you and want to understand will show up. Of course I can't, but they're here. They will remind you when it was good. Because even this is only a moment and a period. Sometimes fucking long and sometimes it only takes a few days.
You want to live! You just don't rule at the moment.
Yes, it happens. Everyone. You took the important step of admitting it.

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